I think there's a similar question to "what about feminine men and masculine women" or "can't they just be gay", which is "what if my daughter just wants to be a boy because of (internalised) misogyny?"
My answer to that question, as a trans man, is: As the rest of the piece has said, gender and choosing to transition are due to internal feelings. Internalised misogyny and being the victim of sexism often make women feel bad, and can make them imagine that life would be better as a man. However, these women know that actually living as a man would make them unhappy, and so instead of transitioning they campaign for women to be treated better. Many trans men put a lot of thought into whether we have internalised misogyny, but when we overcome any sexism we learned we usually still want to transition. Transitioning for us isn't about becoming a "better" gender, just about becoming the gender that's right for us. (Plus, trans men often end up worse off than cis women -- worse wage gaps, higher unemployment, higher rates of sexual assault -- so the idea that we transition so that we can gain male privilege is misguided.)
Hi Zoe, I'm a trans woman who wants to start hrt but my parents don't want me to start it mainly because side effects that are presented in this... I have tried countering some of the claims by saying that the increased chance for AD is caused by social distress. But I failed countering other things. I would really appreciate help (sorry if it's not a good place to ask, but thank anyways <3).
Yes - thank you for your generosity of answering. I hope my prompting of why does defining sex organs matter so much and let’s focus on the care of laying foundation for support. Appreciate this article and your being here.
This was so helpful to read and be able to pass on - thank you, thank you! Question:) I was just having a tough conversation a couple nights ago with a preschool teacher. She was sharing her concern that young minds are so moldable that talking about being transgender should be postponed to age 10. I can pull many of the things you mentioned here like supporting people and if not just getting out of their way but is there any other thoughts you have that I could help assuage that fear? Thank you again.
This is such a helpful article to read and pass on thank you, thank you! I was just having some of these difficult conversations with a preschool teacher friend of mine and her concern is that "young children's minds are so moldable that talking about being trans too young" scares her. I can pull many of things you mentioned here like just getting out of peoples way to hopefully truly supporting people but is there anything else I can say that can hopefully gently shift this thinking?
Another great article! One part made me laugh out loud, though: "Puberty blockers have been around for a really long time—since the 1980s". Way to make me feel old, Doc! :P
I'm going to share this on Mastodon, quoting the part about the 1980s lime green. (I think I had a hat that color, back in ancient times.) It's the best metaphor for a difference of understanding I've seen.
Great article thanks for writing it. I am a crossdresser and never understood why friends that transitioned never had the complete surgery or were attracted to men.
Zoe, thanks for this. I'm a non-trans person who knows a lot of trans people and still struggles with some of the nitty-gritty. Your article reassured me on a couple of points, including my concern that a girl struggling with misogyny could mistakenly think they're a trans boy. I do take issue with a specific point in your article: that transitioning is made into a big deal either by the person transitioning or by "someone who doesn’t believe trans people should exist." There are many reasons a person can be ill at ease with someone's transition. Maybe they aren't convinced that kids should transition, or maybe they aren't convinced that everyone who identifies as a trans woman belongs in a woman's changing room or a women's sports team or staffing a women's shelter. Or maybe they are worried that the person is being influenced by social contagion. These concerns may arise from misconceptions but they are VERY different from believing that trans people don't, or shouldn't, exist. Suggesting that those of us with questions and doubts don't believe trans folks should exist is inflammatory and hinders productive discourse on this topic. Thanks again for your article and thank you for considering my critique.
Thank you so much for this! this is exactly what i have been looking for. very simple and very informative. perfect for spreading knowledge. <3
Thank you for this, it's really good!
I think there's a similar question to "what about feminine men and masculine women" or "can't they just be gay", which is "what if my daughter just wants to be a boy because of (internalised) misogyny?"
My answer to that question, as a trans man, is: As the rest of the piece has said, gender and choosing to transition are due to internal feelings. Internalised misogyny and being the victim of sexism often make women feel bad, and can make them imagine that life would be better as a man. However, these women know that actually living as a man would make them unhappy, and so instead of transitioning they campaign for women to be treated better. Many trans men put a lot of thought into whether we have internalised misogyny, but when we overcome any sexism we learned we usually still want to transition. Transitioning for us isn't about becoming a "better" gender, just about becoming the gender that's right for us. (Plus, trans men often end up worse off than cis women -- worse wage gaps, higher unemployment, higher rates of sexual assault -- so the idea that we transition so that we can gain male privilege is misguided.)
This is a great primer! Thank you 😊
Hi Zoe, I'm a trans woman who wants to start hrt but my parents don't want me to start it mainly because side effects that are presented in this... I have tried countering some of the claims by saying that the increased chance for AD is caused by social distress. But I failed countering other things. I would really appreciate help (sorry if it's not a good place to ask, but thank anyways <3).
FYI the link to your page on the Ferris State University website is dead
Yes - thank you for your generosity of answering. I hope my prompting of why does defining sex organs matter so much and let’s focus on the care of laying foundation for support. Appreciate this article and your being here.
This was so helpful to read and be able to pass on - thank you, thank you! Question:) I was just having a tough conversation a couple nights ago with a preschool teacher. She was sharing her concern that young minds are so moldable that talking about being transgender should be postponed to age 10. I can pull many of the things you mentioned here like supporting people and if not just getting out of their way but is there any other thoughts you have that I could help assuage that fear? Thank you again.
This is such a helpful article to read and pass on thank you, thank you! I was just having some of these difficult conversations with a preschool teacher friend of mine and her concern is that "young children's minds are so moldable that talking about being trans too young" scares her. I can pull many of things you mentioned here like just getting out of peoples way to hopefully truly supporting people but is there anything else I can say that can hopefully gently shift this thinking?
Another great article! One part made me laugh out loud, though: "Puberty blockers have been around for a really long time—since the 1980s". Way to make me feel old, Doc! :P
I'm going to share this on Mastodon, quoting the part about the 1980s lime green. (I think I had a hat that color, back in ancient times.) It's the best metaphor for a difference of understanding I've seen.
I heard HRT can cause sterility, is this true?
Thanks Zoe 🙏💕
As always I really appreciate your thoughts
I’m doing a talk to some academics in May and I want to ask if I can quote your stats from here?
Elodie x
Great article thanks for writing it. I am a crossdresser and never understood why friends that transitioned never had the complete surgery or were attracted to men.
Micki Finn
Zoe, thanks for this. I'm a non-trans person who knows a lot of trans people and still struggles with some of the nitty-gritty. Your article reassured me on a couple of points, including my concern that a girl struggling with misogyny could mistakenly think they're a trans boy. I do take issue with a specific point in your article: that transitioning is made into a big deal either by the person transitioning or by "someone who doesn’t believe trans people should exist." There are many reasons a person can be ill at ease with someone's transition. Maybe they aren't convinced that kids should transition, or maybe they aren't convinced that everyone who identifies as a trans woman belongs in a woman's changing room or a women's sports team or staffing a women's shelter. Or maybe they are worried that the person is being influenced by social contagion. These concerns may arise from misconceptions but they are VERY different from believing that trans people don't, or shouldn't, exist. Suggesting that those of us with questions and doubts don't believe trans folks should exist is inflammatory and hinders productive discourse on this topic. Thanks again for your article and thank you for considering my critique.