I see myself in this more than I am comfortable with.
Then I read your "Beneath the Surface" post, then look at the body of what I publish, and ...uh... yeah. I kinda feel like you are looking directly at me.
I am still trying to read this. I can't seem to go more than a few minutes, I get light headed and shaky all over and I have to stop. I am not sure what that means, but I am in a particularly dark and scary place at the moment, so I think I will save the rest for later.
I have diagnosed cPTSD. I was a neglected child of an alcoholic mother and an absent, emotionally abusive, father. I certainly see your point. Thank you for writing this, and I look forward to the future articles in this series. 💜
I'm glad I found this, I'm glad that I found you, author. From the Beneath the Surface post that I strongly reacted to -- creating some "ohh that makes sense now" new neural pathways -- this past Saturday (when I subscribed), to this post, which has floored me in a profound psychological way --- because of again, how much it spoke to my personal experience --- the degree of impact from this Stained Glass Woman, and in such a short timeframe, well exceeds any other writing in this format I've ever come across. I guess it starts with how these topics are not even talked about in a formal manner (only comments that just scratch the surface of depth).
Any other readers have to put down the phone/step away from the computer when getting to the one-two punch of the "A person has a need to be seen, treated, and to live as a given gender, and that need goes almost entirely unmet over their early childhood development" paragraph followed by the "As they enter puberty, their body develops permanent, physical indications of their unmet need which grow more pronounced by the month" paragraph?
You ever have a collection of thoughts that make a lot of sense, that you think applies to your community members and to them and validates their experience, and then you read an article that beautifully articulates what you thought were just some general threads floating in your head, and you actually apply them to your OWN experience and start crying at work? ...asking for me.
We’re well acquainted with personal growth, overcoming adversity, and expressing ideas unfamiliar to most people. Hopefully the challenges we face today will be the impetus to organize and grow as persons and a community. There’s a warm feeling when I notice signs of that happening.
Thank you so much for writing this. It's very well written and accessible, so I plan to share it a lot. I've recently heard some discussion around understanding our experience as trans people coming out in adulthood in the framework of cPTSD and it immediately resonated with me. I look forward to your Grinding Glass series, and will look more into understanding how this framework can help me and others to heal.
My intent is to get into some detail about how it happens, regardless of us knowing that we're trans, to talk about how complex trauma works on a neurological level (because not everyone is really familiar with it), and then talk about how we work through it.
Well. That makes sense. I realized a few weeks back, as I've reached out and reestablished and reconnected with old friends, and my new friendships are strong and vibrant, that I am experiencing post-traumatic growth. I am moving past the old me. I have a ways to go before I'm done because I still have trauma sources in my life, but hopefully soon that too will change. As ever, thank you for the elucidation and clarity.
That's a good question! Now, repepmber that I speak as a binary trans woman who does experience dysphoria, so I can't explain from a lived perspective.
We know 1 & 2 are true because we have observed these things, in a scientific sense. Living as your gender is a need, which we know from how not doing so affects life metrics, like depression, cortisol levels, and so forth. We know 2 is accurate because many people have stood up and said it's true of them, as they transition.
The classic example that I've been told is that of a bigender person--someone who's both a man and a woman--who loves everything about being *both* a man and a woman. So, for instance, this person loves their beard and body hair, but also their breasts and curves. They transition as a search for authenticity, chasing joy and fulfillment, not to resolve pain. They never experienced dysphoria because there was never enuthing about their body or social situation that was *wrong*--they just needed and wanted more. An increase in total happiness, so to speak.
I went to a transgender therapist very briefly. She was probably a perfectly good therapist, but we just didn’t click.
I did get one very valuable thing from her, though. Her understanding of gender dysphoria was as something that could manifest in two (or maybe more) different ways. One is the classic, obvious, I hate this aspect of myself kind of way. And yeah, I have some that. I’m working on addressing it, but transitioning takes time.
But the other way is not so much about hating how you are but wishing you were something else. I don’t particularly dislike my broad shoulders or my narrow hips or my large rib cage. Even now, three years in, I don’t feel bad the shape of my body, even if it’s not very typically feminine and it gets me misgendered more often than I’d like.
But when I see a woman with a more typical female human body, I want that. It took a long time to disentangle why I was sooooooo attracted to certain women, because I’m very gay and obviously I would be attracted to beautiful (in a very expansive sense) bodies, in the same romantic and sexual way as anyone. But I’m also attracted to certain women because *I want to be them*. I wish my body was like theirs in some way.
I can (and do) want my body to be different without necessarily disliking the way it is now, if that makes any sense.
I have some of the more obvious kind of dysphoria, but not all that much compared to some of my trans friends. But that second kind, the *I want to be her* kind - that’s a constant in my life, and maybe it always will be.
I posted this in Mastadon too.
I see myself in this more than I am comfortable with.
Then I read your "Beneath the Surface" post, then look at the body of what I publish, and ...uh... yeah. I kinda feel like you are looking directly at me.
Both are great articles, thank you.
I am still trying to read this. I can't seem to go more than a few minutes, I get light headed and shaky all over and I have to stop. I am not sure what that means, but I am in a particularly dark and scary place at the moment, so I think I will save the rest for later.
Probably that you're not safe. Listen to your body.
The article isn't going *anywhere*. It can wait for you.
I am finally listening, and thanks to the ear of a wonderful friend (JL) I am a bit better.
Although I may vent some more on the Fedi, if nothing else, just to scream into the wind.
I have diagnosed cPTSD. I was a neglected child of an alcoholic mother and an absent, emotionally abusive, father. I certainly see your point. Thank you for writing this, and I look forward to the future articles in this series. 💜
🫂🫂🫂
I'm glad I found this, I'm glad that I found you, author. From the Beneath the Surface post that I strongly reacted to -- creating some "ohh that makes sense now" new neural pathways -- this past Saturday (when I subscribed), to this post, which has floored me in a profound psychological way --- because of again, how much it spoke to my personal experience --- the degree of impact from this Stained Glass Woman, and in such a short timeframe, well exceeds any other writing in this format I've ever come across. I guess it starts with how these topics are not even talked about in a formal manner (only comments that just scratch the surface of depth).
Any other readers have to put down the phone/step away from the computer when getting to the one-two punch of the "A person has a need to be seen, treated, and to live as a given gender, and that need goes almost entirely unmet over their early childhood development" paragraph followed by the "As they enter puberty, their body develops permanent, physical indications of their unmet need which grow more pronounced by the month" paragraph?
Oh my gosh. I... I don't know what to say.
Thank you.
You ever have a collection of thoughts that make a lot of sense, that you think applies to your community members and to them and validates their experience, and then you read an article that beautifully articulates what you thought were just some general threads floating in your head, and you actually apply them to your OWN experience and start crying at work? ...asking for me.
🥹
I feel seen by this article, it makes complete sense.
This makes perfect sense to me.
We’re well acquainted with personal growth, overcoming adversity, and expressing ideas unfamiliar to most people. Hopefully the challenges we face today will be the impetus to organize and grow as persons and a community. There’s a warm feeling when I notice signs of that happening.
Thank you for the article!
Thank you so much for writing this. It's very well written and accessible, so I plan to share it a lot. I've recently heard some discussion around understanding our experience as trans people coming out in adulthood in the framework of cPTSD and it immediately resonated with me. I look forward to your Grinding Glass series, and will look more into understanding how this framework can help me and others to heal.
My intent is to get into some detail about how it happens, regardless of us knowing that we're trans, to talk about how complex trauma works on a neurological level (because not everyone is really familiar with it), and then talk about how we work through it.
Yes.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I’m hoping to write my project essay for year two counselling on this subject
I had been wary about saying oh yes this sounds like cptsd…. because I don’t have psychology/psychotherapy training
Would you be interested in having a chat sometime?
🙏🫂💕🏳️⚧️
Sure! You know where to find me on the fedi.
Well. That makes sense. I realized a few weeks back, as I've reached out and reestablished and reconnected with old friends, and my new friendships are strong and vibrant, that I am experiencing post-traumatic growth. I am moving past the old me. I have a ways to go before I'm done because I still have trauma sources in my life, but hopefully soon that too will change. As ever, thank you for the elucidation and clarity.
That's a good question! Now, repepmber that I speak as a binary trans woman who does experience dysphoria, so I can't explain from a lived perspective.
We know 1 & 2 are true because we have observed these things, in a scientific sense. Living as your gender is a need, which we know from how not doing so affects life metrics, like depression, cortisol levels, and so forth. We know 2 is accurate because many people have stood up and said it's true of them, as they transition.
The classic example that I've been told is that of a bigender person--someone who's both a man and a woman--who loves everything about being *both* a man and a woman. So, for instance, this person loves their beard and body hair, but also their breasts and curves. They transition as a search for authenticity, chasing joy and fulfillment, not to resolve pain. They never experienced dysphoria because there was never enuthing about their body or social situation that was *wrong*--they just needed and wanted more. An increase in total happiness, so to speak.
Does that make sense?
I went to a transgender therapist very briefly. She was probably a perfectly good therapist, but we just didn’t click.
I did get one very valuable thing from her, though. Her understanding of gender dysphoria was as something that could manifest in two (or maybe more) different ways. One is the classic, obvious, I hate this aspect of myself kind of way. And yeah, I have some that. I’m working on addressing it, but transitioning takes time.
But the other way is not so much about hating how you are but wishing you were something else. I don’t particularly dislike my broad shoulders or my narrow hips or my large rib cage. Even now, three years in, I don’t feel bad the shape of my body, even if it’s not very typically feminine and it gets me misgendered more often than I’d like.
But when I see a woman with a more typical female human body, I want that. It took a long time to disentangle why I was sooooooo attracted to certain women, because I’m very gay and obviously I would be attracted to beautiful (in a very expansive sense) bodies, in the same romantic and sexual way as anyone. But I’m also attracted to certain women because *I want to be them*. I wish my body was like theirs in some way.
I can (and do) want my body to be different without necessarily disliking the way it is now, if that makes any sense.
I have some of the more obvious kind of dysphoria, but not all that much compared to some of my trans friends. But that second kind, the *I want to be her* kind - that’s a constant in my life, and maybe it always will be.