I'm a woman of trans experience, I am also a lesbian, and I labored under the autogynophilia bullshit for well over a decade. I absolutely thought I was a fetishistic little pervert. It took me 3 years from the time that I realized I might be trans to the time that I actually transitioned to work all of this out.
I could go on for days about how I had to deconstruct and dismantle the ingrained fetishistic transphobic and homophobic attitudes I was holding.
Thank you for writing this. I hope that this can help other people who are currently facing the same questions I had.
Happy three years of "oh shit I might be trans" to me, and good luck/congrats on the talk, Doc. The funny thing is I've been following your work (and doing my own digging) long enough that nothing here is really earth shattering to me. However, I suspect I am the exception (and most people don't follow you much less with notifications on), and this synthesis and connection is a valuable contribution to the larger literature. 💜
Yes, exactly. Before I "hatched," I had what, to me, were mildly disturbing sexual fantasies. I liked a certain hetero ship--so why, then, did I keep imagining myself as the *male* partner of that ship? And why was I also drawn to a popular gay ship involving that same male character?
I had these thoughts up to 5 years before I realized that I am a man.
I'm not trans *because* I'm bisexual, nor am I bisexual *because* I'm trans. But you cannot separate my sexuality from my transness. It's not a fetish, but that whole aspect of my identity is all tangled up together, because sexuality and gender are, in many ways, related.
Very insightful as always, Doc. As someone who used comics like the ones cited as a coping mechanism prior to transitioning, thanks for reading me for filth. :P (jk, ofc <3 )
"Why is it okay for me to be a lesbian because I am trans and not okay for me to be trans because I am a lesbian? It has to go both ways."
Oh wow... yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. My original egg cracking started with seeing/hearing the phrase "I feel like a lesbian trapped in a man's body". That was back around 2002 or so. It would be another 20+ years before I started transitioning because I ran into the whole AGP bullshit which pushed me back into my shell and ended up with me completely repressing the memory of figuring out I was trans.
I spent a good couple of decades *wishing* I was a lesbian and being extremely envious of lesbian relationships. Also, I've never had a serious relationship with any straight women. Every woman I have been in a serious relationship with has been bi.
"a book on trans comics that my coauthor, Jamie Garner, and I have been writing" I assume this isn't out yet? Have you published any of it? I'd like to read it!
This is a wonderful article, though I leave feeling conflicted. Basically it boils down to: I have accepted I am trans for a while but still find both emotional and erotic satisfaction from TGTF stories, which I struggle to unify with your arguments here. I feel anxiety over the validity of my feelings regarding these stories, especially considering that I still feel this way despite no longer being closeted or needing plausible deniability. So, I was wondering if, with what you have presented here, you believe my feelings are valid or if these feelings should only apply to closeted trans folk and there's something wrong with me.
Thank you and apologies if this is an odd or annoying request, my particular form of neurodivergence makes me struggle with feeling my way around digital communication.
Of course those feelings are valid! That's the thing about kinks: we start doing them to manage and meet emotional needs of this kind or that kind, but once those needs have been met, *very frequently*, the draw of the kink itself remains afterwards. You've formed those neural connections, and brains—like all biology—are fundamentally lazy. They're gonna use the path of least resistance.
As an example: it's really common for survivors of sexual assault to get into BDSM because it gives them a way to reprocess their experiences in a way that's fully under their control, and thereby heal from them. But, like all psychological healing, you eventually finish the work, right? Well, those folks frequently stay very involved in BDSM after healing because of the healing the BDSM acts themselves had in their past itself, and because those neural pathways have already been made. Doesn't make their enjoyment or engagement any lesser or less valid.
Your interest, I'm sure, works in the same way. 💜🏳️⚧️💜
Thank you so so much for both the incredibly kind words and the very well-thought-out reply!!! You make an absolutely excellent point that genuinely helped my anxiety around this whole thing a ton🫶
I'm so glad! And always remember: as long as you're harming nobody, you get to just love whatever it is that you want to love, whether it's kink, fandom, clothes, bad movies, great movies, or absolutely anything else.
You NEVER owe anyone an explanation or justification for your joy.
> In reality, the most common thing questioning people wonder is “It’s just a fetish, right?” Spoiler: it never, ever is.
In a way I want to agree with this since I am probably the audience for this article. But is that really true though ? I am pretty sure I can find a lot of instances of people for whom it is just a fetish.
But then that is not the interesting question, the interesting question is : How to figure out if this comes from a repressed trans identity or not
This hits so wonderfully well.
I'm a woman of trans experience, I am also a lesbian, and I labored under the autogynophilia bullshit for well over a decade. I absolutely thought I was a fetishistic little pervert. It took me 3 years from the time that I realized I might be trans to the time that I actually transitioned to work all of this out.
I could go on for days about how I had to deconstruct and dismantle the ingrained fetishistic transphobic and homophobic attitudes I was holding.
Thank you for writing this. I hope that this can help other people who are currently facing the same questions I had.
I'm so glad. 💜
Happy three years of "oh shit I might be trans" to me, and good luck/congrats on the talk, Doc. The funny thing is I've been following your work (and doing my own digging) long enough that nothing here is really earth shattering to me. However, I suspect I am the exception (and most people don't follow you much less with notifications on), and this synthesis and connection is a valuable contribution to the larger literature. 💜
Yes, exactly. Before I "hatched," I had what, to me, were mildly disturbing sexual fantasies. I liked a certain hetero ship--so why, then, did I keep imagining myself as the *male* partner of that ship? And why was I also drawn to a popular gay ship involving that same male character?
I had these thoughts up to 5 years before I realized that I am a man.
I'm not trans *because* I'm bisexual, nor am I bisexual *because* I'm trans. But you cannot separate my sexuality from my transness. It's not a fetish, but that whole aspect of my identity is all tangled up together, because sexuality and gender are, in many ways, related.
Inseparably so. 💜🏳️⚧️💜
Very insightful as always, Doc. As someone who used comics like the ones cited as a coping mechanism prior to transitioning, thanks for reading me for filth. :P (jk, ofc <3 )
Gurl I am reading *myself* for filth here. 😅
"Why is it okay for me to be a lesbian because I am trans and not okay for me to be trans because I am a lesbian? It has to go both ways."
Oh wow... yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. My original egg cracking started with seeing/hearing the phrase "I feel like a lesbian trapped in a man's body". That was back around 2002 or so. It would be another 20+ years before I started transitioning because I ran into the whole AGP bullshit which pushed me back into my shell and ended up with me completely repressing the memory of figuring out I was trans.
I spent a good couple of decades *wishing* I was a lesbian and being extremely envious of lesbian relationships. Also, I've never had a serious relationship with any straight women. Every woman I have been in a serious relationship with has been bi.
I made the exact same “jokes," and every last woman I dated before I found B— was bi too for some mysteeeeerious reason.
So, yeah. Gigantic mood.
"a book on trans comics that my coauthor, Jamie Garner, and I have been writing" I assume this isn't out yet? Have you published any of it? I'd like to read it!
It's coming! Hopefully this year!! We're in post-peer review revisions!! Fingers crossed it'll be out before the winter holidays!!!
Thanks for sharing your presentation with us, Zoe. And not for nothing, boy does that piece by Blackshirtboy speak to me.
This is a wonderful article, though I leave feeling conflicted. Basically it boils down to: I have accepted I am trans for a while but still find both emotional and erotic satisfaction from TGTF stories, which I struggle to unify with your arguments here. I feel anxiety over the validity of my feelings regarding these stories, especially considering that I still feel this way despite no longer being closeted or needing plausible deniability. So, I was wondering if, with what you have presented here, you believe my feelings are valid or if these feelings should only apply to closeted trans folk and there's something wrong with me.
Thank you and apologies if this is an odd or annoying request, my particular form of neurodivergence makes me struggle with feeling my way around digital communication.
Of course those feelings are valid! That's the thing about kinks: we start doing them to manage and meet emotional needs of this kind or that kind, but once those needs have been met, *very frequently*, the draw of the kink itself remains afterwards. You've formed those neural connections, and brains—like all biology—are fundamentally lazy. They're gonna use the path of least resistance.
As an example: it's really common for survivors of sexual assault to get into BDSM because it gives them a way to reprocess their experiences in a way that's fully under their control, and thereby heal from them. But, like all psychological healing, you eventually finish the work, right? Well, those folks frequently stay very involved in BDSM after healing because of the healing the BDSM acts themselves had in their past itself, and because those neural pathways have already been made. Doesn't make their enjoyment or engagement any lesser or less valid.
Your interest, I'm sure, works in the same way. 💜🏳️⚧️💜
Thank you so so much for both the incredibly kind words and the very well-thought-out reply!!! You make an absolutely excellent point that genuinely helped my anxiety around this whole thing a ton🫶
🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🏳️⚧️
I'm so glad! And always remember: as long as you're harming nobody, you get to just love whatever it is that you want to love, whether it's kink, fandom, clothes, bad movies, great movies, or absolutely anything else.
You NEVER owe anyone an explanation or justification for your joy.
> In reality, the most common thing questioning people wonder is “It’s just a fetish, right?” Spoiler: it never, ever is.
In a way I want to agree with this since I am probably the audience for this article. But is that really true though ? I am pretty sure I can find a lot of instances of people for whom it is just a fetish.
But then that is not the interesting question, the interesting question is : How to figure out if this comes from a repressed trans identity or not
The argument I'm making is, if you ever have to ask whether or not it's just a fetish
It's not.