I feel the need to help any Canadians who might be needing hrt or whatever, maybe because I know it was a weird time for me and more barriers don't make it easier. and this is far from a perfect list, but it's the best I could do easily and I found out how bad some provinces/territories have it which is frustrating.
I so wish I had stumbled across someone like Zoe a decade ago! There is so much great info here and if you haven't done so already, I highly recommend going back over the last couple years of her articles. When I think of how I would characterize what is here the word fearless comes to mind but I know that's not right! I think every one of us was scared to death of some aspect of coming out to others and to ourselves. So glad you're here!
Adding what I know about accessing care in Canada: It varies from province to province, but in general, if you're an adult, informed consent should be available. Many general practitioners will be reluctant to provide treatment, but this is improving little by little.
If you're in Alberta, one of the best resources is an organization called the Skipping Stone (skippingstone.ca). They're located in Calgary, but they provide services across the province by phone or video conference appointments. They can provide referrals to clinics with gender affirming doctors. My doctor conducts appointments by phone. I was able to start HRT one week after my first appointment!
If you're in another province, look for a similar advocacy organization. Help is out there!
Unfortunately, rejection by family members and romantic partners is more common than this article suggests, at least in my experience. I live in (very progressive) Seattle, and I facilitate a trans support group, so I know a LOT of trans people.
Among coupled trans women in my circle, more break up than stay together. Often the split is amicable, and if there are children involved, both partners become friendly co-parents. But the splits can get ugly too.
Trans men seem to have much more successful relationships, for reasons I don't understand.
And I know too many people (including me) who have lost contact with family members, often parents.
You're absolutely right about kids, though. When I came out to my nephlings (all teenagers), the response was a collective shrug. All four used my new name and new pronouns, and that was that. I don't know a single person who has had a bad experience coming out to the kids in their life. As in so many other things, adults can learn a lot about being a good person from children.
That's wonderful! It always makes me happy to see a couple stay together. They're usually happier in the end. One of my favorite stories is couple who were a little older when one partner came out as transfemme. The other partner told her, "I'm staying. I'm not a lesbian, but I'm staying." They're still together years later.
"If you love your stock bottom bits, keep them, love them, and enjoy them!" Yep! And you're still trans enough if you do.
The "I can't be trans (but I often think about being trans) because I'd be an ugly girl." Also resonates. Eight or nine years ago I said this exact thing to my spouse. I'm now 60+ and wish I'd started down this road a decade ago. I'd be a lot cuter but that's not what people notice. People notice the smile and lightness that I never had before.
And lastly, there are not legions of detransitioners out in the world. I know that's the claim but why can't huge states like Florida find local detransitioners? If they could the haters would be giving them a huge platform but they are very rare. If they were common, we wouldn't have the "Chloe Cole World Tour" (Chloe's story suggests that her doctor failed to follow the WPATH guidelines and overlooked some significant attention seeking/mental health issues - her description not mine - and most of those that do detransition do so because of family and social pressure - and those people deserve our support as well so long as they don't turn on the trans community).
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You... I'm... I don't know what to say other than describing it.
I'm curled in my closet in a little nest I've made of pillows and blankets, in a little ball. This is the first time in a while I've been able to cry and show emotions---even new ones that I can't even name, like a brand new... energy that's just.. there
Now I know why some songs I almost tear up at (Like the line "I wear the black in mourning for the lives that could have been" in Johnny Cash's Man In Black), while firsthand events barely get me to show anything.
I feel like I owe you this, I thank you Doc... I might reach out in future if I need or want to.
(Reposted since I had spelling issues and it didn't let me save my edits for some reason)
Fuck, I need to stop reading content like this when I'm at work, I keep tearing up. Thanks for all of your writing and research. You're a fantastic communicator and your articles have been so valuable to me.
Love, love, love this post, but you're selling this essay short in the title! While I understand that you're writing for people who might be questioning their own gender, your post should be required reading for anyone cis who has a trans or gender questioning person in their life, and especially a trans loved one.
I feel the need to help any Canadians who might be needing hrt or whatever, maybe because I know it was a weird time for me and more barriers don't make it easier. and this is far from a perfect list, but it's the best I could do easily and I found out how bad some provinces/territories have it which is frustrating.
BC- http://www.phsa.ca/transcarebc/
AB- https://www.ualberta.ca/services/health-centre/services/gender-affirming-care.html (edmonton)
https://www.skippingstone.ca/ (calgary)
SK- https://www.transsask.ca/accessing-affirming-healthcare/
MB- https://klinic.mb.ca/health-care/transhealthklinic/community-members/
ON- https://www.rainbowhealthontario.ca/lgbt2sq-health/service-provider-directory/
QC- https://transitionner.info/hormonotherapie/#acces
NS- https://hshc.ca/transgender-health/
NB- https://horizonnb.ca/services/community-health-care/specialized-care-for-people-who-identify-as-a-sexual-or-gender-minority-2slgbtqia/
PEI- https://www.princeedwardisland.ca/en/information/health-pei/gender-affirming-health-services
NL- https://cwhp.easternhealth.ca/children-and-youth/outpatient-services/endocrinology/gender-wellness-clinic/
YK- https://www.queeryukon.com/healthnavigator.html
NWT/NT are both kinda just through whatever doctor you can access as far as I can tell? disappointing
I didn't think that was going to take more than an hour but it did I guess
Oh my gosh, thank you SO MUCH! Canada's gender care system is positively byzantine, and I didn't want to point people wrong.
Yeah it's pretty dumb up here sometimes, the healthcare is free, but you gotta work for it.
Exactly what I wanted as a newfound transgender mtf !!! I'm bookmarking this!
I'm really glad!
I so wish I had stumbled across someone like Zoe a decade ago! There is so much great info here and if you haven't done so already, I highly recommend going back over the last couple years of her articles. When I think of how I would characterize what is here the word fearless comes to mind but I know that's not right! I think every one of us was scared to death of some aspect of coming out to others and to ourselves. So glad you're here!
Love this post!!
Adding what I know about accessing care in Canada: It varies from province to province, but in general, if you're an adult, informed consent should be available. Many general practitioners will be reluctant to provide treatment, but this is improving little by little.
If you're in Alberta, one of the best resources is an organization called the Skipping Stone (skippingstone.ca). They're located in Calgary, but they provide services across the province by phone or video conference appointments. They can provide referrals to clinics with gender affirming doctors. My doctor conducts appointments by phone. I was able to start HRT one week after my first appointment!
If you're in another province, look for a similar advocacy organization. Help is out there!
Unfortunately, rejection by family members and romantic partners is more common than this article suggests, at least in my experience. I live in (very progressive) Seattle, and I facilitate a trans support group, so I know a LOT of trans people.
Among coupled trans women in my circle, more break up than stay together. Often the split is amicable, and if there are children involved, both partners become friendly co-parents. But the splits can get ugly too.
Trans men seem to have much more successful relationships, for reasons I don't understand.
And I know too many people (including me) who have lost contact with family members, often parents.
You're absolutely right about kids, though. When I came out to my nephlings (all teenagers), the response was a collective shrug. All four used my new name and new pronouns, and that was that. I don't know a single person who has had a bad experience coming out to the kids in their life. As in so many other things, adults can learn a lot about being a good person from children.
Meanwhile, I'm in the Midwest and I see *a lot* of partnerships making it, particularly among transfems. 🤷♀️
That's wonderful! It always makes me happy to see a couple stay together. They're usually happier in the end. One of my favorite stories is couple who were a little older when one partner came out as transfemme. The other partner told her, "I'm staying. I'm not a lesbian, but I'm staying." They're still together years later.
"If you love your stock bottom bits, keep them, love them, and enjoy them!" Yep! And you're still trans enough if you do.
The "I can't be trans (but I often think about being trans) because I'd be an ugly girl." Also resonates. Eight or nine years ago I said this exact thing to my spouse. I'm now 60+ and wish I'd started down this road a decade ago. I'd be a lot cuter but that's not what people notice. People notice the smile and lightness that I never had before.
And lastly, there are not legions of detransitioners out in the world. I know that's the claim but why can't huge states like Florida find local detransitioners? If they could the haters would be giving them a huge platform but they are very rare. If they were common, we wouldn't have the "Chloe Cole World Tour" (Chloe's story suggests that her doctor failed to follow the WPATH guidelines and overlooked some significant attention seeking/mental health issues - her description not mine - and most of those that do detransition do so because of family and social pressure - and those people deserve our support as well so long as they don't turn on the trans community).
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You... I'm... I don't know what to say other than describing it.
I'm curled in my closet in a little nest I've made of pillows and blankets, in a little ball. This is the first time in a while I've been able to cry and show emotions---even new ones that I can't even name, like a brand new... energy that's just.. there
Now I know why some songs I almost tear up at (Like the line "I wear the black in mourning for the lives that could have been" in Johnny Cash's Man In Black), while firsthand events barely get me to show anything.
I feel like I owe you this, I thank you Doc... I might reach out in future if I need or want to.
(Reposted since I had spelling issues and it didn't let me save my edits for some reason)
I'm really glad that this helped, River. 💜
That feels... strangely good being called River...Thank you again...
I know.
Welcome to a long, strange trip, gal.
Fuck, I need to stop reading content like this when I'm at work, I keep tearing up. Thanks for all of your writing and research. You're a fantastic communicator and your articles have been so valuable to me.
I'm very glad it's been helpful, Julie.
Excellent work 👍 Keeping this for next time I see someone who needs it!
May this piece find its way to those who most need to read it now.
Love, love, love this post, but you're selling this essay short in the title! While I understand that you're writing for people who might be questioning their own gender, your post should be required reading for anyone cis who has a trans or gender questioning person in their life, and especially a trans loved one.
Welllllll that might be because they're going to get their very own article, that focuses on their needs. 😉
One of the best intros to being trans. Thanks!
Yay!
Thank you for this, Doc.