Another wonderful article and so thorough. This helped me identify that the exclusionary variables are the only thing holding me back. I have been looking for a local therapist and think I may have finally located one. I really want the first visit in person. I do not know where it will lead, but I know I need it. Thanks for doing what you do. It really is a big help!
I finally saw my therapist last Friday. It was mainly intake stuff, but we did cover a little bit of the dysphoria. I see her again on Tuesday and I really do seem to click with her. Thanks for the encouragement.
I know its so sappy but when I went to the 'I hope I'm trans' button and saw the message I made the biggest smile I've made for a long time, and it comes back every time I look back at it.
I've saved both a photo of myself and of the screen to look back on and remember this moment. Thank you so much for doing what you do, this has made me feel amazing and really affirmed me. And thank you for commenting on someones reddit post that led me straight here!
Excellent work here…reminds me of the Cogiati test which had a number of multiple choice questions regarding spacial awareness, social preferences, and other assorted topics which had stereotypically male or female responses. If you answered the questions just the right way, the test would confirm that you were likely Trans, the truth being that simply going through the effort of answering the questions just the right way confirmed that you were likely Trans. But it was lovely to have the scorebot tell us as much just the same. Confirmation Kernels are a healthy part of a growing Trans diet, you know.
What is wrong with me. I want to be trans, but I don't even know why, it feels like I want to do it just because it'll be finally something interesting in my life after a long time, or because it's "popular", or because I have such kink.
And when answering these questions it felt like I was holding myself back, like I was afraid I might not be trans. I don't have dysphoria, and when I imagine that I'm suddenly changing gender, it feels scary, meaning it's an incline towards cisgender. But I don't want to be just a cisgender.
How the hell is gender hard to figure out, how do you know what you want if you never trust yourself...
I did end up reading through the entirety of it (iirc), some things did seem relatable. Also finished a few articles and read diyhrt. All the evidence seems pretty obvious but over a year from questioning I still feel unsure. But at least I'll be able to try femmoding soon
Not sure if this comment should be tagged as a "spoiler" or something. Feel free to remove it if so, but I clicked the top button. It made me cry, in the best way. Thank you! <3
Only you can know what your feelings mean. Sounds like your CNS is on high alert, and is trying to get you to pay attention. Given which article this is, I have my suspicions as to why that might be.
If I may make a suggestion, the Part One: A Webcomic article, and maybe Beneath the Surface (I'm guessing here, but in my experience it's a pretty safe guess) might give you a lot to think about.
To quote Beneath the Surface, you already know the answer to your original question, don't you? It's just scary, something you never thought might apply to you.
And that's okay. This is your life. You can do, or not do, anything you want.
Thank you for writing such an extensive article! ❤️ Although I’ve considered myself trans for almost five years now, the results of the scenarios actually aided me in giving me more confidence in the transition I’m pursuing. I’ll definitely share this one with people who are questioning their gender and who want some help getting a clearer picture on this.
This is really good. My daughter recently came out to me and this gives me a much better way of thinking about gender identity - for her and everyone else.
I've been questioning for a few months now, and reading this, i think my egg finally hatched. It had shown a few cracks, but now I'm very sure I'm trans. Thank you for making this, and I gotta go thank a redditor for indirectly getting me to go here
one thing I found quite interesting is that I was pretty terrified of the idea of being transported into a parallel universe where I'm practically a cis woman and kind of wanted to press that button pretty quickly, at least as an initial reaction, but then my heart sank when you said that this likely indicates I'm a cis man. Strengthens my belief that I'm likely genderfluid
If you're ever disappointed at someone saying you're cis, you're almost certainly not cis--that's why there was the pre-answers special button to push. 😉
I don’t know how to feel about all of this. It’s pure clarity, but my other exclusionary variables that weren’t mentioned hold me back. I would 120% protect that button and live as much as I can as a man, but I’m not that person I imagine to know for sure, so I said long term even if that means 1 year or 90 years. Maybe at some point I’ll destroy it, but I don’t know for sure because I’m not that guy. I’ve also enjoyed being a femme lesbian to which I know I’d probably need some time to adjust to that macho man body, but I know deep down I’ll be so happy and make out of the most by living as a man as long as I want. I don’t care if I remain with a vulva or if I get a penis. I never thought of that too much, I make the most out of being kind of free down there and having “space” but sure I could have a penis. So I could be trans but maybe I’d be fine dying cis or maybe not I’m not sure. The last scenario doesn’t work for me since I’ve tried many times and if I’m still trying and feeling unhappy either way then just pull the trigger honestly. I was just like indifferent like what’s the point if I didn’t try again, am I just gonna cry? What’s the point if I did and I still feel hopeless in some way?? That’s mental illness for me and the current situation I find myself in. I just wish I was born a boy. I’d be a great cis man. That’s it.
Oh, honey. Honey, look at what you wrote here. Look at what you've said. You so clearly know the truth of your heart, and are just as clearly afraid of the consequences of that truth. That bit at the end? "I just wish I was born a boy?" That's a pretty crystal clear statement.
And your fears can be worked through. I can't recommend a good gender therapist strongly enough in your case.. There's a path forward, and ways for you to have the things you want. 🫂🫂🫂
Beeing trans would explain so much. Actually its quite terrifying to be trans. But i had a reason why hetero women never fall for me because they see me as good friend.
Last year i was in holiday with a friend. We slept in one bed. I tell her everything. We are so close hotel stuff thought that we are married. Im sure if we were the last to human beings on earth we would go to the sea, watch the sunset and go extinct together. One might say: another frustrated simp. Maybe.
The problem is: i had several chances. I tried to sleep with a female friend four years ago and felt soo uncomfortable that we, well, didnt sleep with each other. In clubs i have to drink near complete passout to bear the Balzverhalten of men. Its so awkward how men show sexual desire. One time i mirrored typical male behavior to kiss a girl in order to make a female friend jealous. Surprise: plan failed sucessfully. Despite It felt not at all natural i had success by the girl i didnt care about. She invited herself to my place. There i told her to be a virgin. Then she went home. Saved me from another frustrating experience.
Then there was this man in a club in a city where nobody, apart from two friends, knows me. We talked a while and got into deep topics relativly fast. I told him that i might be demisexual. After a couple of drinks he kissed me. It was one of the best club experiences i ever had. I didnt realise the loudness and the noise. I felt his body on mine. Felt his touches. It was the first time i felt sexually attracted to another real human being. like the first time the other was not only in my mind. Maybe it was the poppers... I never considered to be gay though.
Then back in my city we went in a bar, drank some beer. One of my female friends ended her relationship a couple of weeks ago and enoyed her freedom. (and the possiblity to numb the post relationship pain). We had a nice evening. I brought her home without any intentions. At her door she asked if she could kiss me and then if she could touch my ass. We kissed a little, but i refused to go with her because of the last experiences with the two girls.
One week later she drank way too much. she had to puke -attention its a bit disgusting - i holded her hair. then we kissed again. this time i touched her on her back. she touched me. It was a different mode of existing. I had my eyes closed, could not see her. But i saw her clearer than ever before. We kissed and this was the second time i felt sexual desire towards a real person. But she was so drunk i didnt want to sleep with her. And it was a good decision. On the next day she could not remember. she was quite ashamed because of that. She is bisexual.
I regret not sleeping with her first chance. altough i thought about going to a prostitute a lot about the last 4 years i never did it. Reason is maybe some experience would make the pressure vanish. From time to time i look for prostitutes online. If they say something like " i make feel you like a real man." or" i want a real man" pressure comes back.
Being trans would explain all this stuff. For 24.7 years of my 25 years life i thought i have to develop some new way of being male. I never questioned my gender altough i had big interest in typical woman activities since my birth. I can knit, crochet, new.
I also had big interest in natural sciences. seems like i am a curious person. Now i study some engineering shit and i hate it.
i read this and after reading i concluded that i am cis lol. afab btw
i read through the afab scenarios and the 1st one made me think „i want to go back pls i think i’d hate living as a man” and imagined myself sighing with relief when coming back to being a girl, the 2nd one made me think „i want my fem body back” and the 3rd one made me think after reading the meaning „yeah i think i’d be glad to not explore”.
also the question being phrased in the do you want to be the gender that people have seen you as from birth helped me say „yes” more confidently because i do want to be a woman and be seen as one! i also don’t know why i think that so it’s probably genuine.
i sometimes see myself as masc and i hate it. i play a game in which there is voice chat and ever since learning that people don’t always see me as a girl there made me discouraged from using it. i already have an unfemme voice, and i do want to have a more girly one! also another thing, i could never relate to the desire to be a man because why? who wants to be a man anyway? are my thoughts.
i also was trying out pronouns both in my native language, polish, and english and preferred female pronouns idk even why i just did (maybe it’s because i’m cis after all haha)
thank you for this article, it was way better than other ones i read and helped me so much to conclude my gender.
I just love you for that one speciffic button 🫂 (Trying to keep it spoiler free, please remove this comment if it tells to much :)
I just dont know whats happening or why, i want to be the other gender so bad, i often dont even look at such posts because what if it says i am not trans, this would make me feel terrible...
I am just so scared to not be trans i dont know why, i dont really have any dysphoria, this makes me feel like i am a fraud wanting to be something i am not. I just dont know whats happening... :(
I would love to start hrt on the spot, every lost day feels like I wasted a day living as a person i am not, i cant bear the idea of waiting for a minimum of half a year for a therapist. On the other hand, there are many many many people having it way worse and harder than me, living in countries where being trans is illegal and so on, so i shouldnt really complain at all :D
Anyways, sorry for the vent, i gladly remove it if you want, thank you so much, I cant put to words how much this article means to me <3
You don't need *any* dysphoria to be trans. Not having any wouldn't make you a fraud--just lucky.
And you don't need to wait six months on a therapist. Informed consent is a thing--in many cou tries, you can just start hrt whenever you want, and wanting it is all you need.
You're allowed to be you, however you want, just because you want. 💜🏳️⚧️💜
Sadly here in Germany it's a bit different. You need to go to a therapist, who gives you a "indikation" whenever he or she thinks you are ready - could be after the first meeting, after fifteenth or even never, it depends. Thats sort of a document saying "Yes, this person is definetly trans". Then you go to a endocrinologist, after getting accepted you can go on hrt - at least as far as i am informed. The only problem are the long wait times because of too few therapists. But like I said, i shouldnt really complain at all, it could be way worse :D
I've secretly been struggling with gender for a while now. My egg finally cracked 2 weeks ago and I've been considering starting HRT DiY(to prevent lost time), but worried I'm moving too fast/aren't trans enough/may have regrets. Unfortuantely a gender therapist isn't on the table for me.
Seeing it prevented scientifically like this, and with the scenarios, it's hard to consider that I might be cis. I would 100% not press the button or swap back.
I think I've made my decision - to be reviewed regularly as I progress.
Just coming back to say thank you for writing this. It took a bit time to fully accept it after reading, but your writing helped so much. That “I hope I’m trans” button brought me to tears for the first time in a long time.
I totally forgot who had written this and all I had were the Google Docs links saved in recent files, so I’m so happy I re-found it. I’m still pretty closeted, and yeah things really aren’t great right now in the US, but I’ve still been happier than I’ve been in years just figuring it out.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, and keep up the fantastic work <3
Another wonderful article and so thorough. This helped me identify that the exclusionary variables are the only thing holding me back. I have been looking for a local therapist and think I may have finally located one. I really want the first visit in person. I do not know where it will lead, but I know I need it. Thanks for doing what you do. It really is a big help!
I'm so glad! Good luck with your therapist, and if you don't click with them, don't be afraid to keep shopping for one that does!
I finally saw my therapist last Friday. It was mainly intake stuff, but we did cover a little bit of the dysphoria. I see her again on Tuesday and I really do seem to click with her. Thanks for the encouragement.
Unfortunately, they seem to be in very short supply in this area. Hopefully, it will work out. Thanks again.
I know its so sappy but when I went to the 'I hope I'm trans' button and saw the message I made the biggest smile I've made for a long time, and it comes back every time I look back at it.
I've saved both a photo of myself and of the screen to look back on and remember this moment. Thank you so much for doing what you do, this has made me feel amazing and really affirmed me. And thank you for commenting on someones reddit post that led me straight here!
Congratulations, hun!
Excellent work here…reminds me of the Cogiati test which had a number of multiple choice questions regarding spacial awareness, social preferences, and other assorted topics which had stereotypically male or female responses. If you answered the questions just the right way, the test would confirm that you were likely Trans, the truth being that simply going through the effort of answering the questions just the right way confirmed that you were likely Trans. But it was lovely to have the scorebot tell us as much just the same. Confirmation Kernels are a healthy part of a growing Trans diet, you know.
What is wrong with me. I want to be trans, but I don't even know why, it feels like I want to do it just because it'll be finally something interesting in my life after a long time, or because it's "popular", or because I have such kink.
And when answering these questions it felt like I was holding myself back, like I was afraid I might not be trans. I don't have dysphoria, and when I imagine that I'm suddenly changing gender, it feels scary, meaning it's an incline towards cisgender. But I don't want to be just a cisgender.
How the hell is gender hard to figure out, how do you know what you want if you never trust yourself...
There is no why, hun. If you want to be trans, if you're afraid you're not trans--those are expressions of desire, and that's pretty clear-cut.
And maybe have a read of genderdysphoria.fyi. It might be surprising.
Seriously, if you want to be trans, you just *can*. You're allowed.
I did end up reading through the entirety of it (iirc), some things did seem relatable. Also finished a few articles and read diyhrt. All the evidence seems pretty obvious but over a year from questioning I still feel unsure. But at least I'll be able to try femmoding soon
Not sure if this comment should be tagged as a "spoiler" or something. Feel free to remove it if so, but I clicked the top button. It made me cry, in the best way. Thank you! <3
Awww, thank you!
And congratulations, hun. 💙💗🤍💗💙
Can't do words... Thanks! <3
You're the one who did all the work, Sofia.
My head is spinning. Heart is pounding. Hands cold and a bit aroused at the same time. WTF?
Only you can know what your feelings mean. Sounds like your CNS is on high alert, and is trying to get you to pay attention. Given which article this is, I have my suspicions as to why that might be.
If I may make a suggestion, the Part One: A Webcomic article, and maybe Beneath the Surface (I'm guessing here, but in my experience it's a pretty safe guess) might give you a lot to think about.
What makes you think I haven't already? Grrrr. How dare you. But I will again as if I don't have a lot to think about already. ; )~
I didn't want to presume. 🤭
To quote Beneath the Surface, you already know the answer to your original question, don't you? It's just scary, something you never thought might apply to you.
And that's okay. This is your life. You can do, or not do, anything you want.
Thank you for writing such an extensive article! ❤️ Although I’ve considered myself trans for almost five years now, the results of the scenarios actually aided me in giving me more confidence in the transition I’m pursuing. I’ll definitely share this one with people who are questioning their gender and who want some help getting a clearer picture on this.
I'm glad!
Made crystal clear what I knew already!
This is really good. My daughter recently came out to me and this gives me a much better way of thinking about gender identity - for her and everyone else.
I'm really glad that it could help you understand her perspective better!
I've been questioning for a few months now, and reading this, i think my egg finally hatched. It had shown a few cracks, but now I'm very sure I'm trans. Thank you for making this, and I gotta go thank a redditor for indirectly getting me to go here
I'm really glad, Avery! Congratulations!
one thing I found quite interesting is that I was pretty terrified of the idea of being transported into a parallel universe where I'm practically a cis woman and kind of wanted to press that button pretty quickly, at least as an initial reaction, but then my heart sank when you said that this likely indicates I'm a cis man. Strengthens my belief that I'm likely genderfluid
If you're ever disappointed at someone saying you're cis, you're almost certainly not cis--that's why there was the pre-answers special button to push. 😉
I don’t know how to feel about all of this. It’s pure clarity, but my other exclusionary variables that weren’t mentioned hold me back. I would 120% protect that button and live as much as I can as a man, but I’m not that person I imagine to know for sure, so I said long term even if that means 1 year or 90 years. Maybe at some point I’ll destroy it, but I don’t know for sure because I’m not that guy. I’ve also enjoyed being a femme lesbian to which I know I’d probably need some time to adjust to that macho man body, but I know deep down I’ll be so happy and make out of the most by living as a man as long as I want. I don’t care if I remain with a vulva or if I get a penis. I never thought of that too much, I make the most out of being kind of free down there and having “space” but sure I could have a penis. So I could be trans but maybe I’d be fine dying cis or maybe not I’m not sure. The last scenario doesn’t work for me since I’ve tried many times and if I’m still trying and feeling unhappy either way then just pull the trigger honestly. I was just like indifferent like what’s the point if I didn’t try again, am I just gonna cry? What’s the point if I did and I still feel hopeless in some way?? That’s mental illness for me and the current situation I find myself in. I just wish I was born a boy. I’d be a great cis man. That’s it.
Oh, honey. Honey, look at what you wrote here. Look at what you've said. You so clearly know the truth of your heart, and are just as clearly afraid of the consequences of that truth. That bit at the end? "I just wish I was born a boy?" That's a pretty crystal clear statement.
And your fears can be worked through. I can't recommend a good gender therapist strongly enough in your case.. There's a path forward, and ways for you to have the things you want. 🫂🫂🫂
Beeing trans would explain so much. Actually its quite terrifying to be trans. But i had a reason why hetero women never fall for me because they see me as good friend.
Last year i was in holiday with a friend. We slept in one bed. I tell her everything. We are so close hotel stuff thought that we are married. Im sure if we were the last to human beings on earth we would go to the sea, watch the sunset and go extinct together. One might say: another frustrated simp. Maybe.
The problem is: i had several chances. I tried to sleep with a female friend four years ago and felt soo uncomfortable that we, well, didnt sleep with each other. In clubs i have to drink near complete passout to bear the Balzverhalten of men. Its so awkward how men show sexual desire. One time i mirrored typical male behavior to kiss a girl in order to make a female friend jealous. Surprise: plan failed sucessfully. Despite It felt not at all natural i had success by the girl i didnt care about. She invited herself to my place. There i told her to be a virgin. Then she went home. Saved me from another frustrating experience.
Then there was this man in a club in a city where nobody, apart from two friends, knows me. We talked a while and got into deep topics relativly fast. I told him that i might be demisexual. After a couple of drinks he kissed me. It was one of the best club experiences i ever had. I didnt realise the loudness and the noise. I felt his body on mine. Felt his touches. It was the first time i felt sexually attracted to another real human being. like the first time the other was not only in my mind. Maybe it was the poppers... I never considered to be gay though.
Then back in my city we went in a bar, drank some beer. One of my female friends ended her relationship a couple of weeks ago and enoyed her freedom. (and the possiblity to numb the post relationship pain). We had a nice evening. I brought her home without any intentions. At her door she asked if she could kiss me and then if she could touch my ass. We kissed a little, but i refused to go with her because of the last experiences with the two girls.
One week later she drank way too much. she had to puke -attention its a bit disgusting - i holded her hair. then we kissed again. this time i touched her on her back. she touched me. It was a different mode of existing. I had my eyes closed, could not see her. But i saw her clearer than ever before. We kissed and this was the second time i felt sexual desire towards a real person. But she was so drunk i didnt want to sleep with her. And it was a good decision. On the next day she could not remember. she was quite ashamed because of that. She is bisexual.
I regret not sleeping with her first chance. altough i thought about going to a prostitute a lot about the last 4 years i never did it. Reason is maybe some experience would make the pressure vanish. From time to time i look for prostitutes online. If they say something like " i make feel you like a real man." or" i want a real man" pressure comes back.
Being trans would explain all this stuff. For 24.7 years of my 25 years life i thought i have to develop some new way of being male. I never questioned my gender altough i had big interest in typical woman activities since my birth. I can knit, crochet, new.
I also had big interest in natural sciences. seems like i am a curious person. Now i study some engineering shit and i hate it.
i read this and after reading i concluded that i am cis lol. afab btw
i read through the afab scenarios and the 1st one made me think „i want to go back pls i think i’d hate living as a man” and imagined myself sighing with relief when coming back to being a girl, the 2nd one made me think „i want my fem body back” and the 3rd one made me think after reading the meaning „yeah i think i’d be glad to not explore”.
also the question being phrased in the do you want to be the gender that people have seen you as from birth helped me say „yes” more confidently because i do want to be a woman and be seen as one! i also don’t know why i think that so it’s probably genuine.
i sometimes see myself as masc and i hate it. i play a game in which there is voice chat and ever since learning that people don’t always see me as a girl there made me discouraged from using it. i already have an unfemme voice, and i do want to have a more girly one! also another thing, i could never relate to the desire to be a man because why? who wants to be a man anyway? are my thoughts.
i also was trying out pronouns both in my native language, polish, and english and preferred female pronouns idk even why i just did (maybe it’s because i’m cis after all haha)
thank you for this article, it was way better than other ones i read and helped me so much to conclude my gender.
- cis girl after all
That's awesome! I'm glad it gave you a chance to explore your gender more deeply.
I just love you for that one speciffic button 🫂 (Trying to keep it spoiler free, please remove this comment if it tells to much :)
I just dont know whats happening or why, i want to be the other gender so bad, i often dont even look at such posts because what if it says i am not trans, this would make me feel terrible...
I am just so scared to not be trans i dont know why, i dont really have any dysphoria, this makes me feel like i am a fraud wanting to be something i am not. I just dont know whats happening... :(
I would love to start hrt on the spot, every lost day feels like I wasted a day living as a person i am not, i cant bear the idea of waiting for a minimum of half a year for a therapist. On the other hand, there are many many many people having it way worse and harder than me, living in countries where being trans is illegal and so on, so i shouldnt really complain at all :D
Anyways, sorry for the vent, i gladly remove it if you want, thank you so much, I cant put to words how much this article means to me <3
Love you all :D
You don't need *any* dysphoria to be trans. Not having any wouldn't make you a fraud--just lucky.
And you don't need to wait six months on a therapist. Informed consent is a thing--in many cou tries, you can just start hrt whenever you want, and wanting it is all you need.
You're allowed to be you, however you want, just because you want. 💜🏳️⚧️💜
Tysm i needed to hear that <3
Sadly here in Germany it's a bit different. You need to go to a therapist, who gives you a "indikation" whenever he or she thinks you are ready - could be after the first meeting, after fifteenth or even never, it depends. Thats sort of a document saying "Yes, this person is definetly trans". Then you go to a endocrinologist, after getting accepted you can go on hrt - at least as far as i am informed. The only problem are the long wait times because of too few therapists. But like I said, i shouldnt really complain at all, it could be way worse :D
Love you all <3
Oof, yeah, Germany can be a real pain with that.
Just wanted to say thanks for this.
I've secretly been struggling with gender for a while now. My egg finally cracked 2 weeks ago and I've been considering starting HRT DiY(to prevent lost time), but worried I'm moving too fast/aren't trans enough/may have regrets. Unfortuantely a gender therapist isn't on the table for me.
Seeing it prevented scientifically like this, and with the scenarios, it's hard to consider that I might be cis. I would 100% not press the button or swap back.
I think I've made my decision - to be reviewed regularly as I progress.
Thank you.
I'm very glad I could help you, and congratulations. 💜
Just coming back to say thank you for writing this. It took a bit time to fully accept it after reading, but your writing helped so much. That “I hope I’m trans” button brought me to tears for the first time in a long time.
I totally forgot who had written this and all I had were the Google Docs links saved in recent files, so I’m so happy I re-found it. I’m still pretty closeted, and yeah things really aren’t great right now in the US, but I’ve still been happier than I’ve been in years just figuring it out.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, and keep up the fantastic work <3
I'm so glad I could be a help to you, Ava! And yeah, things suuuure aren't going great right now. 🫂🫂🫂