Another wonderful article and so thorough. This helped me identify that the exclusionary variables are the only thing holding me back. I have been looking for a local therapist and think I may have finally located one. I really want the first visit in person. I do not know where it will lead, but I know I need it. Thanks for doing what you do. It really is a big help!
I finally saw my therapist last Friday. It was mainly intake stuff, but we did cover a little bit of the dysphoria. I see her again on Tuesday and I really do seem to click with her. Thanks for the encouragement.
I know its so sappy but when I went to the 'I hope I'm trans' button and saw the message I made the biggest smile I've made for a long time, and it comes back every time I look back at it.
I've saved both a photo of myself and of the screen to look back on and remember this moment. Thank you so much for doing what you do, this has made me feel amazing and really affirmed me. And thank you for commenting on someones reddit post that led me straight here!
Excellent work here…reminds me of the Cogiati test which had a number of multiple choice questions regarding spacial awareness, social preferences, and other assorted topics which had stereotypically male or female responses. If you answered the questions just the right way, the test would confirm that you were likely Trans, the truth being that simply going through the effort of answering the questions just the right way confirmed that you were likely Trans. But it was lovely to have the scorebot tell us as much just the same. Confirmation Kernels are a healthy part of a growing Trans diet, you know.
What is wrong with me. I want to be trans, but I don't even know why, it feels like I want to do it just because it'll be finally something interesting in my life after a long time, or because it's "popular", or because I have such kink.
And when answering these questions it felt like I was holding myself back, like I was afraid I might not be trans. I don't have dysphoria, and when I imagine that I'm suddenly changing gender, it feels scary, meaning it's an incline towards cisgender. But I don't want to be just a cisgender.
How the hell is gender hard to figure out, how do you know what you want if you never trust yourself...
I did end up reading through the entirety of it (iirc), some things did seem relatable. Also finished a few articles and read diyhrt. All the evidence seems pretty obvious but over a year from questioning I still feel unsure. But at least I'll be able to try femmoding soon
Not sure if this comment should be tagged as a "spoiler" or something. Feel free to remove it if so, but I clicked the top button. It made me cry, in the best way. Thank you! <3
Only you can know what your feelings mean. Sounds like your CNS is on high alert, and is trying to get you to pay attention. Given which article this is, I have my suspicions as to why that might be.
If I may make a suggestion, the Part One: A Webcomic article, and maybe Beneath the Surface (I'm guessing here, but in my experience it's a pretty safe guess) might give you a lot to think about.
To quote Beneath the Surface, you already know the answer to your original question, don't you? It's just scary, something you never thought might apply to you.
And that's okay. This is your life. You can do, or not do, anything you want.
Thank you for writing such an extensive article! ❤️ Although I’ve considered myself trans for almost five years now, the results of the scenarios actually aided me in giving me more confidence in the transition I’m pursuing. I’ll definitely share this one with people who are questioning their gender and who want some help getting a clearer picture on this.
This is really good. My daughter recently came out to me and this gives me a much better way of thinking about gender identity - for her and everyone else.
I've been questioning for a few months now, and reading this, i think my egg finally hatched. It had shown a few cracks, but now I'm very sure I'm trans. Thank you for making this, and I gotta go thank a redditor for indirectly getting me to go here
one thing I found quite interesting is that I was pretty terrified of the idea of being transported into a parallel universe where I'm practically a cis woman and kind of wanted to press that button pretty quickly, at least as an initial reaction, but then my heart sank when you said that this likely indicates I'm a cis man. Strengthens my belief that I'm likely genderfluid
If you're ever disappointed at someone saying you're cis, you're almost certainly not cis--that's why there was the pre-answers special button to push. 😉
I've secretly been struggling with gender for a while now. My egg finally cracked 2 weeks ago and I've been considering starting HRT DiY(to prevent lost time), but worried I'm moving too fast/aren't trans enough/may have regrets. Unfortuantely a gender therapist isn't on the table for me.
Seeing it prevented scientifically like this, and with the scenarios, it's hard to consider that I might be cis. I would 100% not press the button or swap back.
I think I've made my decision - to be reviewed regularly as I progress.
Just coming back to say thank you for writing this. It took a bit time to fully accept it after reading, but your writing helped so much. That “I hope I’m trans” button brought me to tears for the first time in a long time.
I totally forgot who had written this and all I had were the Google Docs links saved in recent files, so I’m so happy I re-found it. I’m still pretty closeted, and yeah things really aren’t great right now in the US, but I’ve still been happier than I’ve been in years just figuring it out.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, and keep up the fantastic work <3
TL;DR: Thanks for the content. Its helped me a lot in my journey.
I've really enjoyed reading all of your content. I'm still reading around here and some of the other resources you provided, but I wanted to leave a comment before I forget. I didn't sleep last night and it's going into 3pm as I'm writing this with no signs of stopping to sleep soon. These articles have gotten me to stop and think about my previous fetishization of body swapping and MtF transition stories. I recently got PhotoLab and have spent the past 3 days using their features to create different versions of me as a woman. And I love the look of all of them very much, but I still felt like it was just a fetish which lead me to see if anyone else had the same feeling with face-swap stuff.
Reading everyone's experiences here, reading that damn comic, and all of the resources you and others have provided have blown my mind that there are so many people that are having/had the same experiences as I'm having right now: picking out only female baby names, enjoying movies/shows with transgender plot points [shoutout Sense8], playing as female characters in video games, etc. It's been wonderful to read all of the success stories and I'm cheering on those that are in the middle of their journies.
For me though, at least at present, I've seen the term "hatching" and cracking the egg with respect to admitting transgenderism. I think I may be close, but it seems the final step, the tough part: actually talking to someone about it most likely won't happen for me. As I've seen other people say they experience, I'm very reluctant to ask for help whether it's as mundane cleaning the dishes or as intense as figuring out my gender identity. That on top of my reluctance to have tough conversations (Such as still not addressing my dad's alcoholism despite the havoc it causes within my family) likely means I won't fully "hatch."
With that being said, knowing that I'm most likely trans (I can see how someone who is cis most likely would not have pulled an all-nighter reading your entire story and then continued to do research the next day on how I feel similarly), knowing that some people don't transition while being trans, and knowing that scenario 3 is a realistic possibility and I'd be pretty much ok if my life ended up like that... I think I may just be ok in the end, even if I never get to "try it out" in a scenario 1 situation which would be perfect to me. I've had bad thoughts about some bad, permanent actions in the past. Just the fact that I know I'm probably not cis will hopefully help me down the line even if I'll always be curious without taking action to transition. Hopefully I can find a gender identity that I resonate with and can at least use that to guide me in my personal journey, even if I go without the help I probably need.
Thanks for all of the content and resources. Last time I tried to tackle my desires I was left thinking it's just a fetish, but I was never satisfied with that answer for some reason. I think I see why now. For that, I am truly thankful.
Just as a gentle suggestion: a gender therapist might be a great help to you, and it's their *literal job* to give you a few guideposts as you figure your way through this situation.
And hatching is just admitting *to yourself* that you're trans, nothing more.
Yeah, that seems like the logical next step. I'm still living at home, unemployed after college. So that would probably be hard for me to pull off right now, but thanks again for your help!
I mean, if you've got insurance, it'll be covered. And your parents don't need to know what the therapy is *for*, even if their insurance is paying for it.
reading the the text from the first button made me unresonably happy, like, probably happier than I've been at any point in the last year, maybe even the last two.
I just re-read the quiz again after recommending it to someone who is strongly questioning their identity. It brought back the emotions of my hatching week, and really reinforced the unattainability of my longing. I like my body. It's pretty damn good for a 55-year-old woman who had masculine hormones for almost 54 years. But once again I find myself aching for a feminine body.
Hormones will get me partway there. Surgery will add another step (if I can ever get it). But I'll never achieve the degree of femininity I really need to feel like *me*.
I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. But it's really hitting home again.
I have it in my calendar to contact GRS Montreal in January to check on their progress toward offering the PPV procedure. The moment I hear that their surgeon is training for it, I'm getting my doctor to put me on the waiting list.
Another wonderful article and so thorough. This helped me identify that the exclusionary variables are the only thing holding me back. I have been looking for a local therapist and think I may have finally located one. I really want the first visit in person. I do not know where it will lead, but I know I need it. Thanks for doing what you do. It really is a big help!
I'm so glad! Good luck with your therapist, and if you don't click with them, don't be afraid to keep shopping for one that does!
I finally saw my therapist last Friday. It was mainly intake stuff, but we did cover a little bit of the dysphoria. I see her again on Tuesday and I really do seem to click with her. Thanks for the encouragement.
Unfortunately, they seem to be in very short supply in this area. Hopefully, it will work out. Thanks again.
I know its so sappy but when I went to the 'I hope I'm trans' button and saw the message I made the biggest smile I've made for a long time, and it comes back every time I look back at it.
I've saved both a photo of myself and of the screen to look back on and remember this moment. Thank you so much for doing what you do, this has made me feel amazing and really affirmed me. And thank you for commenting on someones reddit post that led me straight here!
Congratulations, hun!
Excellent work here…reminds me of the Cogiati test which had a number of multiple choice questions regarding spacial awareness, social preferences, and other assorted topics which had stereotypically male or female responses. If you answered the questions just the right way, the test would confirm that you were likely Trans, the truth being that simply going through the effort of answering the questions just the right way confirmed that you were likely Trans. But it was lovely to have the scorebot tell us as much just the same. Confirmation Kernels are a healthy part of a growing Trans diet, you know.
What is wrong with me. I want to be trans, but I don't even know why, it feels like I want to do it just because it'll be finally something interesting in my life after a long time, or because it's "popular", or because I have such kink.
And when answering these questions it felt like I was holding myself back, like I was afraid I might not be trans. I don't have dysphoria, and when I imagine that I'm suddenly changing gender, it feels scary, meaning it's an incline towards cisgender. But I don't want to be just a cisgender.
How the hell is gender hard to figure out, how do you know what you want if you never trust yourself...
There is no why, hun. If you want to be trans, if you're afraid you're not trans--those are expressions of desire, and that's pretty clear-cut.
And maybe have a read of genderdysphoria.fyi. It might be surprising.
Seriously, if you want to be trans, you just *can*. You're allowed.
I did end up reading through the entirety of it (iirc), some things did seem relatable. Also finished a few articles and read diyhrt. All the evidence seems pretty obvious but over a year from questioning I still feel unsure. But at least I'll be able to try femmoding soon
Not sure if this comment should be tagged as a "spoiler" or something. Feel free to remove it if so, but I clicked the top button. It made me cry, in the best way. Thank you! <3
Awww, thank you!
And congratulations, hun. 💙💗🤍💗💙
Can't do words... Thanks! <3
You're the one who did all the work, Sofia.
My head is spinning. Heart is pounding. Hands cold and a bit aroused at the same time. WTF?
Only you can know what your feelings mean. Sounds like your CNS is on high alert, and is trying to get you to pay attention. Given which article this is, I have my suspicions as to why that might be.
If I may make a suggestion, the Part One: A Webcomic article, and maybe Beneath the Surface (I'm guessing here, but in my experience it's a pretty safe guess) might give you a lot to think about.
What makes you think I haven't already? Grrrr. How dare you. But I will again as if I don't have a lot to think about already. ; )~
I didn't want to presume. 🤭
To quote Beneath the Surface, you already know the answer to your original question, don't you? It's just scary, something you never thought might apply to you.
And that's okay. This is your life. You can do, or not do, anything you want.
Thank you for writing such an extensive article! ❤️ Although I’ve considered myself trans for almost five years now, the results of the scenarios actually aided me in giving me more confidence in the transition I’m pursuing. I’ll definitely share this one with people who are questioning their gender and who want some help getting a clearer picture on this.
I'm glad!
Made crystal clear what I knew already!
This is really good. My daughter recently came out to me and this gives me a much better way of thinking about gender identity - for her and everyone else.
I'm really glad that it could help you understand her perspective better!
I've been questioning for a few months now, and reading this, i think my egg finally hatched. It had shown a few cracks, but now I'm very sure I'm trans. Thank you for making this, and I gotta go thank a redditor for indirectly getting me to go here
I'm really glad, Avery! Congratulations!
one thing I found quite interesting is that I was pretty terrified of the idea of being transported into a parallel universe where I'm practically a cis woman and kind of wanted to press that button pretty quickly, at least as an initial reaction, but then my heart sank when you said that this likely indicates I'm a cis man. Strengthens my belief that I'm likely genderfluid
If you're ever disappointed at someone saying you're cis, you're almost certainly not cis--that's why there was the pre-answers special button to push. 😉
Just wanted to say thanks for this.
I've secretly been struggling with gender for a while now. My egg finally cracked 2 weeks ago and I've been considering starting HRT DiY(to prevent lost time), but worried I'm moving too fast/aren't trans enough/may have regrets. Unfortuantely a gender therapist isn't on the table for me.
Seeing it prevented scientifically like this, and with the scenarios, it's hard to consider that I might be cis. I would 100% not press the button or swap back.
I think I've made my decision - to be reviewed regularly as I progress.
Thank you.
I'm very glad I could help you, and congratulations. 💜
Just coming back to say thank you for writing this. It took a bit time to fully accept it after reading, but your writing helped so much. That “I hope I’m trans” button brought me to tears for the first time in a long time.
I totally forgot who had written this and all I had were the Google Docs links saved in recent files, so I’m so happy I re-found it. I’m still pretty closeted, and yeah things really aren’t great right now in the US, but I’ve still been happier than I’ve been in years just figuring it out.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, and keep up the fantastic work <3
I'm so glad I could be a help to you, Ava! And yeah, things suuuure aren't going great right now. 🫂🫂🫂
TL;DR: Thanks for the content. Its helped me a lot in my journey.
I've really enjoyed reading all of your content. I'm still reading around here and some of the other resources you provided, but I wanted to leave a comment before I forget. I didn't sleep last night and it's going into 3pm as I'm writing this with no signs of stopping to sleep soon. These articles have gotten me to stop and think about my previous fetishization of body swapping and MtF transition stories. I recently got PhotoLab and have spent the past 3 days using their features to create different versions of me as a woman. And I love the look of all of them very much, but I still felt like it was just a fetish which lead me to see if anyone else had the same feeling with face-swap stuff.
Reading everyone's experiences here, reading that damn comic, and all of the resources you and others have provided have blown my mind that there are so many people that are having/had the same experiences as I'm having right now: picking out only female baby names, enjoying movies/shows with transgender plot points [shoutout Sense8], playing as female characters in video games, etc. It's been wonderful to read all of the success stories and I'm cheering on those that are in the middle of their journies.
For me though, at least at present, I've seen the term "hatching" and cracking the egg with respect to admitting transgenderism. I think I may be close, but it seems the final step, the tough part: actually talking to someone about it most likely won't happen for me. As I've seen other people say they experience, I'm very reluctant to ask for help whether it's as mundane cleaning the dishes or as intense as figuring out my gender identity. That on top of my reluctance to have tough conversations (Such as still not addressing my dad's alcoholism despite the havoc it causes within my family) likely means I won't fully "hatch."
With that being said, knowing that I'm most likely trans (I can see how someone who is cis most likely would not have pulled an all-nighter reading your entire story and then continued to do research the next day on how I feel similarly), knowing that some people don't transition while being trans, and knowing that scenario 3 is a realistic possibility and I'd be pretty much ok if my life ended up like that... I think I may just be ok in the end, even if I never get to "try it out" in a scenario 1 situation which would be perfect to me. I've had bad thoughts about some bad, permanent actions in the past. Just the fact that I know I'm probably not cis will hopefully help me down the line even if I'll always be curious without taking action to transition. Hopefully I can find a gender identity that I resonate with and can at least use that to guide me in my personal journey, even if I go without the help I probably need.
Thanks for all of the content and resources. Last time I tried to tackle my desires I was left thinking it's just a fetish, but I was never satisfied with that answer for some reason. I think I see why now. For that, I am truly thankful.
P.S. Sorry for the essay.
Just as a gentle suggestion: a gender therapist might be a great help to you, and it's their *literal job* to give you a few guideposts as you figure your way through this situation.
And hatching is just admitting *to yourself* that you're trans, nothing more.
Yeah, that seems like the logical next step. I'm still living at home, unemployed after college. So that would probably be hard for me to pull off right now, but thanks again for your help!
I mean, if you've got insurance, it'll be covered. And your parents don't need to know what the therapy is *for*, even if their insurance is paying for it.
Hmmm. Thats an interesting thought. I'll have to look into that. Thanks!
reading the the text from the first button made me unresonably happy, like, probably happier than I've been at any point in the last year, maybe even the last two.
Congratulations, then, hun. And welcome to a wider world. 💜🏳️⚧️💜
Excellent writing once again. You really have a lot to give from your exhaustive knowledge base.
I just re-read the quiz again after recommending it to someone who is strongly questioning their identity. It brought back the emotions of my hatching week, and really reinforced the unattainability of my longing. I like my body. It's pretty damn good for a 55-year-old woman who had masculine hormones for almost 54 years. But once again I find myself aching for a feminine body.
Hormones will get me partway there. Surgery will add another step (if I can ever get it). But I'll never achieve the degree of femininity I really need to feel like *me*.
I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. But it's really hitting home again.
Ohh, Violet. I hope you can, because it's more attainable than most folks think--especially when dysphoria is roaring.
I have it in my calendar to contact GRS Montreal in January to check on their progress toward offering the PPV procedure. The moment I hear that their surgeon is training for it, I'm getting my doctor to put me on the waiting list.
That's wonderful to hear!