This is just what I needed to read. I've been privately going through transition for 3 years now (as of yesterday actually!) and while I'm out to a select body of people, I'm not out publicly and things are reaching critical mass for me.
Being a public educator myself (HS Math) I've been struggling to figure out a way to start this process. While I do teach in a rural area of a state known for it's Fried Chicken, we have a very vibrant LGBTQ+ student community (helps that there's a fairly liberal metro area within commuting distance).
The response from K--- just made my heart melt. The first person I came out to besides my therapist and my wife was a close friend who transitioned about twenty years before me, and her calm, steady acceptance made everything else so much easier.
I've been lucky in that most of my comings-out have been in supportive communities, where a simple statement is all that's needed. One of my favorite moments was meeting an old friend again at a Klingon language conference. He said, "Curzon, my old friend!". I replied, "It's Jadzia now." He said, "Jadzia, my old friend!", and that was that. Another friend greeted me with <qaqIHqa'>, which basically means "I meet you again for the first time."
Coming out at work was just as easy - I told my manager one day, then made an announcement in the team meeting the next day. The framing was simple - this is who I am - and everything was settled.
Other comings-out have been harder. Coming out to my sister was a text exchange - she refused to answer the phone for months - with a lot of anger and hurt on both sides. We haven't spoken since. Coming out to my mom was a year-long process of avoidance and discussion and more avoidance. In the end, she declined to accept my invitation to know the person I really am. In retrospect, I don't believe either of those conversations could ever have had a different result.
Communities with a passionate shared interest that is not popular among the cool kids tend to be among the most accepting, at least in my experience. Perhaps being a little marginalized generates empathy for those who are more than a little marginalized. Or perhaps we've all been wrong about who the cool kids actually are.
In any case, my linguist friends, my writer friends, and my musician friends are all awesome.
I can see why you're an English professor and a damned good one. I wish I'd seen this when I came out seven years ago, although my email (which was long, perhaps TL/DR;) was well received.
OMG! Doc Impossible doing the impossible again—posting an article *exactly* when I need it.
I started my social transition back in January and the momentum is making me want to transition professionally sometime this year. So far I've had one on one conversations with extended family and close friends, but at some point will probably want to just do a big update like this.
Thank you so much for all that you do for us little hatchlings. 🥰
Oof. This hits like off-brand jagged bricks. Comparison sucks always, of course, but to see how much support people have in coming out is just pure effing destruction sometimes.
This process seems to go so much better for those who aren’t stupendously alone. Ugh.
One thing my grandma told me that's always stuck with me, since you were criticizing your own rush to compare, is "the only reason you ever look at someone else's plate is to make sure they have enough to eat." It's advice that's stood me very well in transition. Every time I didn't follow it, I came to regret it--and I've shared some of those stories too. I lost friends to transition, same as anyone, but I focus on the people who stayed in my life, and who entered it after transition. Sometimes you've gotta let the trash take itself out.
Thanks again - I tried to force this a little with making my new name official - but the articles, talks, bulletins, etc. about trans issues get very little response. Maybe my seemingly trivial worry that I'm being avoided and ignored by some people (despite the excellent support from others) is distorted by the deeper fear that the same colleagues wouldn't know how to support trans students at a time when hatecrimes are rising in the UK, healthcare is virtually non-existent thanks to Cass. They're trying to survive without HRT and therapy, and judging by the self-harm I've seen they're not doing well.
That's a very valid and real fear... and one that's much larger than you or I. There's a very famous piece over on our side of the pond, and I don't know whether or not they teach it in the UK, but it's "Letter from Birmingham Jail," by Martin Luther King, Jr. You can read the whole thing here (https://www.csuchico.edu/iege/_assets/documents/susi-letter-from-birmingham-jail.pdf), but there's one paragraph I just come back to again and again and again that might make you feel a little more seen:
"I MUST make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the last few yearsI have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizens Councillor or the Ku Klux Klanner but the white moderate who is more devoted to order than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can't agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically feels that he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by the myth of time; and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more
bewildering than outright rejection."
I feel very much the same about white moderates in our struggle for decent treatment, let alone equal rights, today.
This was extremely painful to read because, despite having my own four degrees in Lang & Lit, I feel that my coming out at work was badly botched, backing up some of your points. Too political, too medical, too ambiguous in its ironies, too unpleasant to watch me squirm in literal pain - black coffee and jalapenos don't mix - essentially, everything it shouldn't be. And yet that seems to have set the tone. I regard literature as an empathy enabler (I'm sure you know the provenance of that...) and yet many of my fellow teachers seem to avoid me, a year on. Plenty of others are supportive in ways that have genuinely raised my estimation of humanity...but too few of the ones from whom I most expect approval and support.
Less than a third of my department offered any variation on congratulations when I first told them. I never got a card, let alone flowers, or other gifts like so many of the people who write their stories of successful transition. Few comments that I recall when I went full femme rather than out-but-androgynous. Often, people walk past me at lunch to sit elsewhere. When I send updates on the department Teams channel (e.g. I'm no longer using They) I get a few hearts or smiley faces but few if any conversations ensue.
So, anyhow. Since you're writing a series about How to Come Out, can you consider one about How to Come Out Again, or reset the dynamic?
Taking a second swing at things can be hard, and some number of those people may simply be refusing the invitation you offered. That said, since it sounds like there's been some identity and pronoun evolution since the first coming out, I also think there's an opportunity for you.
Believe it or not, asking for a do-over--like when you were a kid!--can actually work pretty well. Alternately, using the evolution of your identity as an exigence in and of itself, and framing it as "hey, there's been some confusion, and I'd really like to clear the air" can also be a good way to go about it.
The thing to remember, though, is that you're never going to get through to everyone. The reaction to my coming out was overwhelmingly positive, but I had friends and colleagues pull away too. It's impossible to please everyone.
And sometimes, you need to let the trash take itself out.
PS - I also wonder how much the fixation on the lack of response from some, rather than allowing myself to feel better about the good responses of others is a symptom of CPTSD. The former affirm a poor self image while the latter seem good in themselves but that doesn't reflect on me.
Yet another brilliant article. I've had my coming-out letter for work drafted for, oh, almost a year not (not quite ready to pull that trigger!). I can tell now I'm going to go do some revisions.
Zoe, thank you so much for your work with these articles. My egg cracked long enough ago that I thought I'd figured out everything I needed to figure out, but consistently your articles have helped me understand myself, my past, and my path forward better than I had before. You're a treasure!
Live this. I've been struggling because the closet has become a death trap. My personal situation makes this difficult, but you've really helped me think about how to approach this moment with work and elsewhere.
It fits neatly into the realization I had a few years back, that people believe what you tell them about yourself. (Yes, it took me forever to get that.) Not just what you literally say, but your tone, diction, and body language (if in person). So it's crucial in anything but the most supportive contexts to not let inner discomfort or low self esteem color how you talk about yourself because others - even relatively friendly people - will pick that up and mirror it back to you.
And now I want to study rhetoric. Literary analysis was what ended up pulling me into an English program so many years ago, courtesy of a fabulous class with an incredible professor. I wish I'd added rhetoric as a focus then, too.
One of the talents of a great communicator is fostering interest in whatever she talks about. ❤️
What is your advice for trans people who don’t have a typical, more easily justifiable narrative? Personally I can’t say that I was miserable before egg crack / transition and now I’m happy after my egg crack / during my transition because it was sorta the opposite for me. Even though I definitely had dysphoria I was happier when I didn’t know I was trans. Now even though I’ve taken some steps I’m still overall not feeling as well as before I started wrestling with my gender identity. But I can’t go back now. I feel like I’m only going to start feeling happier when I’m further along on HRT and actually feel like a man (I’m transmasc). A big reason for my unhappiness is that being trans opened my eyes to how little some people care about me. My family would prefer I don’t interact with them over calling me what I want to be called. Hardly anyone at work uses my requested pronouns. I’ve emotionally shut down, I frequently feel exhausted, and everything is just blah. There are other reasons for this too, like the trauma of seeing how little people care about the ongoing pandemic and the genocide in Gaza. Thankfully I have a few friends / acquaintances whose company I enjoy, but happiness still feels out of reach for me, and it’s hard for me to believe I’ll ever truly experience it again. :(
Well, you don't need to give them that narrative at all. I chose to, but that's far from necessary--but finding that shared exigence that you can work from is a really good starting point.
For work, it can be as simple as "hey, there's been some misunderstanding about me, so I'd love to clear the air." For your family...? That doesn't sound like an invitation to me. It sounds like a refused invitation, to be honest. 🫂
I didn't read the full blog cuz I'm out of time this morning, so I wasn't sure I would respond in here. But to you I will. I transitioned at the age of 58, and I know one thing for certain. Happiness is an inside-job, and has nothing to do with your transition. Caring so much about what people do & think is because you don't care as much about what you do & think. It's a self-esteem, insecurity issue.
You may think ignorance was bliss, but it is not. You haven't fully accepted yourself as trans and that's why you're struggling so much. I didn't come out to others until I had fully accepted myself and legally changed my name. Then it was a piece of cake, because I didn't care who 'agreed' or 'disagreed' with me embracing myself. I gave everybody an option to push me away, and a full-out option. I told them it was okay if they opted-out and I meant it. I had accepted myself fully, loved myself fully, therefore it didn't matter if they did. I was willing to walk this walk alone, if I had to. I would be more than okay.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to you as I'm being brief. But I also thought about blogging what I did to come out, because it wasn't scientific in the least. I got mostly positive responses, and I also was/am retired. I didn't have to deal with the workplace, but I did have to deal with a business I started 3 years after I began my transition. Loran, you must embrace yourself first. That way, it won't matter as much if others don't. The outpouring of love I received was very moving, but again, I didn't expect it or need it. All I did was speak from the heart, told them I legally changed my name, what I would accept being called, and some other cool stuff I can barely remember now (it was 2016).
I had personal conversations with family members & close friends. I didn't try to persuade anybody. It was like, "Take it or leave it," type of conversations/writing. I'd say 98% of people accepted me, because I was confident and accepted/respected myself. I've done a lot of personal work on myself most of my life, so that helped too. It's like wild animals sensing fear. They'll attack (directly/indirectly) if they sense you're not sure what you're doing.
BTW, I am a transman and all this happened within the first 6 months of my transition. I did not wait and stew over anything. I just went for it. Wishing you well and good luck!!
I know what you mean, though. I'm a tough guy and confidence came from a successful career, 30-something years of sobriety at the time, being a veteran, and a whole lot of work on myself. My first year in transition was pure bliss until I realized most of the country was gunning for us. Still, though, I've never been happier despite all the hatred I see.
Thanks for the advice. I thought that I’d fully accepted myself but your comment made me realize I still haven’t, although I’m farther along than I used to be. Also you transitioned much later in life so you had time to get to know yourself better; I’m only 23 so I’m still figuring myself out. But thanks again for your thoughts.
Yes, yes, yes young man! You're right. I did transition later. Your brain isn't even fully functional until 25/26. Try to relax and be kind to yourself. The key to happiness is exactly that. Getting to know yourself and embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was your age, I cared a lot about what my peers, family, and friends thought. When you get older, that goes away because you've racked up accomplishments that increase pride about yourself.
When I was 23, I was still part of the LGBTQ+ because I thought I was a lesbian. I was also in the military. Same process of accepting oneself and being happy with it. I didn't care if those groups liked it; it was important that I liked it way more than them. I focused on my career and got a strong footing. Then I did many things to fall in love with self. You can do it, son. I promise it will be worth it. You're doing just fine at your age and will find your happiness!!!
You're welcome and I'm not queer. OMG, people think everybody goes by these new definitions (hahahaha). If you need one of those terms, it would be t-man for me.
I mean, what you're describing is still rhetoric, and your approach is working to persuade. You just disagree on the exigence and context, given your situation.
Which, kind of the point of the article.
I was never saying that all comings-out should follow the model I used. I was just illustrating how that approach played out.
Thank you SO MUCH for this! Now I finally have an idea of what to say to my parents!
Yay! I'm glad I could help.
This is just what I needed to read. I've been privately going through transition for 3 years now (as of yesterday actually!) and while I'm out to a select body of people, I'm not out publicly and things are reaching critical mass for me.
Being a public educator myself (HS Math) I've been struggling to figure out a way to start this process. While I do teach in a rural area of a state known for it's Fried Chicken, we have a very vibrant LGBTQ+ student community (helps that there's a fairly liberal metro area within commuting distance).
The response from K--- just made my heart melt. The first person I came out to besides my therapist and my wife was a close friend who transitioned about twenty years before me, and her calm, steady acceptance made everything else so much easier.
I've been lucky in that most of my comings-out have been in supportive communities, where a simple statement is all that's needed. One of my favorite moments was meeting an old friend again at a Klingon language conference. He said, "Curzon, my old friend!". I replied, "It's Jadzia now." He said, "Jadzia, my old friend!", and that was that. Another friend greeted me with <qaqIHqa'>, which basically means "I meet you again for the first time."
Coming out at work was just as easy - I told my manager one day, then made an announcement in the team meeting the next day. The framing was simple - this is who I am - and everything was settled.
Other comings-out have been harder. Coming out to my sister was a text exchange - she refused to answer the phone for months - with a lot of anger and hurt on both sides. We haven't spoken since. Coming out to my mom was a year-long process of avoidance and discussion and more avoidance. In the end, she declined to accept my invitation to know the person I really am. In retrospect, I don't believe either of those conversations could ever have had a different result.
Well, the star trek response is lovely, at least.
Communities with a passionate shared interest that is not popular among the cool kids tend to be among the most accepting, at least in my experience. Perhaps being a little marginalized generates empathy for those who are more than a little marginalized. Or perhaps we've all been wrong about who the cool kids actually are.
In any case, my linguist friends, my writer friends, and my musician friends are all awesome.
I can see why you're an English professor and a damned good one. I wish I'd seen this when I came out seven years ago, although my email (which was long, perhaps TL/DR;) was well received.
OMG! Doc Impossible doing the impossible again—posting an article *exactly* when I need it.
I started my social transition back in January and the momentum is making me want to transition professionally sometime this year. So far I've had one on one conversations with extended family and close friends, but at some point will probably want to just do a big update like this.
Thank you so much for all that you do for us little hatchlings. 🥰
Thank you. This is just the kind of direction I need to approach this when it is time. Always a great read!
Oof. This hits like off-brand jagged bricks. Comparison sucks always, of course, but to see how much support people have in coming out is just pure effing destruction sometimes.
This process seems to go so much better for those who aren’t stupendously alone. Ugh.
I'm sorry this was hard for you. 🫂
One thing my grandma told me that's always stuck with me, since you were criticizing your own rush to compare, is "the only reason you ever look at someone else's plate is to make sure they have enough to eat." It's advice that's stood me very well in transition. Every time I didn't follow it, I came to regret it--and I've shared some of those stories too. I lost friends to transition, same as anyone, but I focus on the people who stayed in my life, and who entered it after transition. Sometimes you've gotta let the trash take itself out.
Food for thought.
Some people don't even start with a healthy supply of trash. It's not about losing the friends, it's about never having any to begin with.
Thanks again - I tried to force this a little with making my new name official - but the articles, talks, bulletins, etc. about trans issues get very little response. Maybe my seemingly trivial worry that I'm being avoided and ignored by some people (despite the excellent support from others) is distorted by the deeper fear that the same colleagues wouldn't know how to support trans students at a time when hatecrimes are rising in the UK, healthcare is virtually non-existent thanks to Cass. They're trying to survive without HRT and therapy, and judging by the self-harm I've seen they're not doing well.
That's a very valid and real fear... and one that's much larger than you or I. There's a very famous piece over on our side of the pond, and I don't know whether or not they teach it in the UK, but it's "Letter from Birmingham Jail," by Martin Luther King, Jr. You can read the whole thing here (https://www.csuchico.edu/iege/_assets/documents/susi-letter-from-birmingham-jail.pdf), but there's one paragraph I just come back to again and again and again that might make you feel a little more seen:
"I MUST make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the last few yearsI have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizens Councillor or the Ku Klux Klanner but the white moderate who is more devoted to order than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can't agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically feels that he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by the myth of time; and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more
bewildering than outright rejection."
I feel very much the same about white moderates in our struggle for decent treatment, let alone equal rights, today.
Hi Zoe,
This was extremely painful to read because, despite having my own four degrees in Lang & Lit, I feel that my coming out at work was badly botched, backing up some of your points. Too political, too medical, too ambiguous in its ironies, too unpleasant to watch me squirm in literal pain - black coffee and jalapenos don't mix - essentially, everything it shouldn't be. And yet that seems to have set the tone. I regard literature as an empathy enabler (I'm sure you know the provenance of that...) and yet many of my fellow teachers seem to avoid me, a year on. Plenty of others are supportive in ways that have genuinely raised my estimation of humanity...but too few of the ones from whom I most expect approval and support.
Less than a third of my department offered any variation on congratulations when I first told them. I never got a card, let alone flowers, or other gifts like so many of the people who write their stories of successful transition. Few comments that I recall when I went full femme rather than out-but-androgynous. Often, people walk past me at lunch to sit elsewhere. When I send updates on the department Teams channel (e.g. I'm no longer using They) I get a few hearts or smiley faces but few if any conversations ensue.
So, anyhow. Since you're writing a series about How to Come Out, can you consider one about How to Come Out Again, or reset the dynamic?
Thanks,
Kaomi
Taking a second swing at things can be hard, and some number of those people may simply be refusing the invitation you offered. That said, since it sounds like there's been some identity and pronoun evolution since the first coming out, I also think there's an opportunity for you.
Believe it or not, asking for a do-over--like when you were a kid!--can actually work pretty well. Alternately, using the evolution of your identity as an exigence in and of itself, and framing it as "hey, there's been some confusion, and I'd really like to clear the air" can also be a good way to go about it.
The thing to remember, though, is that you're never going to get through to everyone. The reaction to my coming out was overwhelmingly positive, but I had friends and colleagues pull away too. It's impossible to please everyone.
And sometimes, you need to let the trash take itself out.
PS - I also wonder how much the fixation on the lack of response from some, rather than allowing myself to feel better about the good responses of others is a symptom of CPTSD. The former affirm a poor self image while the latter seem good in themselves but that doesn't reflect on me.
That could very well be. Our traumas twist our perceptions, unfortunately.
Yet another brilliant article. I've had my coming-out letter for work drafted for, oh, almost a year not (not quite ready to pull that trigger!). I can tell now I'm going to go do some revisions.
Zoe, thank you so much for your work with these articles. My egg cracked long enough ago that I thought I'd figured out everything I needed to figure out, but consistently your articles have helped me understand myself, my past, and my path forward better than I had before. You're a treasure!
Thank you!
Live this. I've been struggling because the closet has become a death trap. My personal situation makes this difficult, but you've really helped me think about how to approach this moment with work and elsewhere.
It fits neatly into the realization I had a few years back, that people believe what you tell them about yourself. (Yes, it took me forever to get that.) Not just what you literally say, but your tone, diction, and body language (if in person). So it's crucial in anything but the most supportive contexts to not let inner discomfort or low self esteem color how you talk about yourself because others - even relatively friendly people - will pick that up and mirror it back to you.
And now I want to study rhetoric. Literary analysis was what ended up pulling me into an English program so many years ago, courtesy of a fabulous class with an incredible professor. I wish I'd added rhetoric as a focus then, too.
One of the talents of a great communicator is fostering interest in whatever she talks about. ❤️
Thank you so much for this piece.
Very happy to help.
My spouse is trans and pre-coming-out and I appreciate this so much. <3
I'm glad this was helpful!
I have been avidly devouring your content lately. Thank you, your articles are what I needed.
What is your advice for trans people who don’t have a typical, more easily justifiable narrative? Personally I can’t say that I was miserable before egg crack / transition and now I’m happy after my egg crack / during my transition because it was sorta the opposite for me. Even though I definitely had dysphoria I was happier when I didn’t know I was trans. Now even though I’ve taken some steps I’m still overall not feeling as well as before I started wrestling with my gender identity. But I can’t go back now. I feel like I’m only going to start feeling happier when I’m further along on HRT and actually feel like a man (I’m transmasc). A big reason for my unhappiness is that being trans opened my eyes to how little some people care about me. My family would prefer I don’t interact with them over calling me what I want to be called. Hardly anyone at work uses my requested pronouns. I’ve emotionally shut down, I frequently feel exhausted, and everything is just blah. There are other reasons for this too, like the trauma of seeing how little people care about the ongoing pandemic and the genocide in Gaza. Thankfully I have a few friends / acquaintances whose company I enjoy, but happiness still feels out of reach for me, and it’s hard for me to believe I’ll ever truly experience it again. :(
Well, you don't need to give them that narrative at all. I chose to, but that's far from necessary--but finding that shared exigence that you can work from is a really good starting point.
For work, it can be as simple as "hey, there's been some misunderstanding about me, so I'd love to clear the air." For your family...? That doesn't sound like an invitation to me. It sounds like a refused invitation, to be honest. 🫂
I didn't read the full blog cuz I'm out of time this morning, so I wasn't sure I would respond in here. But to you I will. I transitioned at the age of 58, and I know one thing for certain. Happiness is an inside-job, and has nothing to do with your transition. Caring so much about what people do & think is because you don't care as much about what you do & think. It's a self-esteem, insecurity issue.
You may think ignorance was bliss, but it is not. You haven't fully accepted yourself as trans and that's why you're struggling so much. I didn't come out to others until I had fully accepted myself and legally changed my name. Then it was a piece of cake, because I didn't care who 'agreed' or 'disagreed' with me embracing myself. I gave everybody an option to push me away, and a full-out option. I told them it was okay if they opted-out and I meant it. I had accepted myself fully, loved myself fully, therefore it didn't matter if they did. I was willing to walk this walk alone, if I had to. I would be more than okay.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to you as I'm being brief. But I also thought about blogging what I did to come out, because it wasn't scientific in the least. I got mostly positive responses, and I also was/am retired. I didn't have to deal with the workplace, but I did have to deal with a business I started 3 years after I began my transition. Loran, you must embrace yourself first. That way, it won't matter as much if others don't. The outpouring of love I received was very moving, but again, I didn't expect it or need it. All I did was speak from the heart, told them I legally changed my name, what I would accept being called, and some other cool stuff I can barely remember now (it was 2016).
I had personal conversations with family members & close friends. I didn't try to persuade anybody. It was like, "Take it or leave it," type of conversations/writing. I'd say 98% of people accepted me, because I was confident and accepted/respected myself. I've done a lot of personal work on myself most of my life, so that helped too. It's like wild animals sensing fear. They'll attack (directly/indirectly) if they sense you're not sure what you're doing.
BTW, I am a transman and all this happened within the first 6 months of my transition. I did not wait and stew over anything. I just went for it. Wishing you well and good luck!!
"Walk confidently and people will assume you know what you're doing" is really good advice for like 95% of tough interactions.
I know what you mean, though. I'm a tough guy and confidence came from a successful career, 30-something years of sobriety at the time, being a veteran, and a whole lot of work on myself. My first year in transition was pure bliss until I realized most of the country was gunning for us. Still, though, I've never been happier despite all the hatred I see.
Well, I was, and I did know what I was doing. LOL
Thanks for the advice. I thought that I’d fully accepted myself but your comment made me realize I still haven’t, although I’m farther along than I used to be. Also you transitioned much later in life so you had time to get to know yourself better; I’m only 23 so I’m still figuring myself out. But thanks again for your thoughts.
Yes, yes, yes young man! You're right. I did transition later. Your brain isn't even fully functional until 25/26. Try to relax and be kind to yourself. The key to happiness is exactly that. Getting to know yourself and embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was your age, I cared a lot about what my peers, family, and friends thought. When you get older, that goes away because you've racked up accomplishments that increase pride about yourself.
When I was 23, I was still part of the LGBTQ+ because I thought I was a lesbian. I was also in the military. Same process of accepting oneself and being happy with it. I didn't care if those groups liked it; it was important that I liked it way more than them. I focused on my career and got a strong footing. Then I did many things to fall in love with self. You can do it, son. I promise it will be worth it. You're doing just fine at your age and will find your happiness!!!
Yes and I’m currently making friends with older queer people like yourself and they give me hope for my future — thank you!! :)
You're welcome and I'm not queer. OMG, people think everybody goes by these new definitions (hahahaha). If you need one of those terms, it would be t-man for me.
Is Loran your new name or old?
New name. Old name was Lauren. Sorry I’ll make sure to refer to you as a trans man.
I mean, what you're describing is still rhetoric, and your approach is working to persuade. You just disagree on the exigence and context, given your situation.
Which, kind of the point of the article.
I was never saying that all comings-out should follow the model I used. I was just illustrating how that approach played out.